'Remember Us' by the Pineapple Thief is just... too hard to listen to. But I'm doing it anyway. It takes me back to the winter of 2011, when I was shoulder-deep in grief, losing weight at a rate of nearly a lb a day, high on whatever it was I was prescribed at the time, living in the lovely 2 bedroom flat I shared with my flatemate and ex and doing loads of Christmas shit while trying to hold my bank job down despite being a total wreck. I guess it hurts because it makes me feel so strongly like I'm back in that bedroom with all of our stuff, which is gone for good. I'm happy in general, I guess it's just strange, the way a song can take you back to a place where you thought you were happy (about some things) before it all disappeared. My life of the past two years just feels like a big dream/lie, really. But I love the song so I perservere.

First deadline for our MA on Monday, 14k words due and I'm at the word count for all of the essays now. It's just tidying up and making it good and finding decent references, I'm so tired cos I feel like I've done so much already yet there's still so much more to do. Who'd have thought it would be SO hard work. I moved up into the attic and bought some proper sexy speakers and I can't tell you how AMAZING it feels to be able to immerse myself completely in music all night every night with nobody bitching about how shit they think it is. I can't wait for next week and to hand it all in, and spend time with some people I'm really looking forward to seeing. Whenever I feel a bit down about stuff and a song brings it all back I only need to look through my phone and see all of the people who love me to pieces and want to be there to support me and want me to do really well and realise how lucky I am. I still feel a bit numb overall really with regards to other people so it's almost nice when a song can hurt... cos it shows there are some feelings left.