Exhausted.com

I'm so sleepy, just killing time really until I can go pick up the bf from work at 10 then I intend to get home and slide straight into bed. Been wearing these false lashes today that are pretty dramatic, they look as though they're going to create a draft every time I blink. At 630 in the morning they looked a tad full-on for work but I stuck with them and didn't regret it, a couple of people commented on how amazing they looked and one old lady, bless her heart, walked up to the till, stood and looked at me and said 'you're looking very attractive today' lol, I can only blame the eyelashes. I wasn't really sure what to say so I just told her I bet she says that to all the cashiers. It was a pretty quiet day in some respects, footfall etc. but some stressful goings on, someone paid in a fraudulent cheque by mistake (not really her fault either), we were short staffed and it was just busy with other things to do. Banks are like that, you think it's just cashiers sat at a till but really it's serving customers, trying to spot opportunities and refer them across to an account manager (seller), keeping track of and trying to hit your targets, ongoing training constantly, carrying out security checks, doing change, cash returns/exchanges, answering the phone, dealing with other queries, paperwork, photocopying, learning about the products and the constantly changing focuses we get asked to make a point of going for, stuff like one week we're told we have to try and get loads of 'welcome team' sales so it's a case of asking if the customer has accounts at any other banks and getting them to switch it all to us, or if they don't, giving them leaflets telling them they get free hotel breaks/spa treatments etc. if they introduce a friend to the bank and they open a current account, we're told we need to be having five of those conversations per hour... or we're asked to push the home insurance quotes another week, and another we're told we NEED at least one lending (loan, credit card) referral leading to a sale every day etc. there's always something to do. And the targets are frankly unrealistic. Anyway work finally ended until Saturday, I left, drove to my bereavement counselling session which was fine, we kinda wrapped things up as we've had six sessions now and I start NHS counselling in a week or so. Not so sure I really need it anymore to be honest, but it's good to know it's there and hopefully I always learn something about myself with each of the five or so counsellors I've seen so far over the past decade (well, not always, at all actually). Then I went to pick my brother up, got a goodnight kiss from my nephew, drove him to some place half an hour away to pick up some football stuff as a favour then to his apartment to get some other things and then to asda then back to his house, then came home to kill time before picking up bf, who has texted me in the meantime telling me he got off early so is walking back. I told my brother some stuff I probably shouldn't have, given what I know of him, about some people the next block over causing loads of problems for everyone in their flat and he's decided he's going round next week to 'put the frighteners' on him with a bunch of his mates before they go out on the lash, I told him not to but he's determined. Hoping he isn't going to actually assault the guy in question, I know he's gonna enjoy it because he's tapped like that, he enjoys the violence and the intimidation etc. Sometimes I feel like he's a psychopath, one which I love to pieces but a psycho nonetheless. I stressed out for a bit thinking how it was my fault for telling him because I'm scared shitless he's going to get into a situation in which he gets in trouble with the police, given his criminal record he'd be in the shit immediately and he has a baby, the most important person in my life to me so I'm a bit worried. But I'm really truly through with worrying about other people's actions or feeling like I can try and control them somehow, I did enough of it with my mum before I learned how to deal with it better, feeling like if only I tried that bit harder I could get through to her or get her to act the way I wanted her to act instead of how she was acting of her own volition. I've worried about my brother for years because of a) his temperament and b) his criminal history equalling stress to me and bad things happening to him and other people. But there's really no point, he's the most bloody minded and single minded person I know and his actions ain't my problem.