Life goes on. Doctors have said that I'm probably not going to get any further with more treatment until I take the PCT/NHS to court. I'm quite concerned/worried about a friend of mine who is far away and appears to be really struggling, it's hard to be there for someone with time zone differences. I'm back at Uni for my Counselling skills night class, part two of three now. It's really, really hard to summon up the effort and energy to go but it has to be done. My mum's birthday came and went, I sometimes can't believe she's really dead and just have to lock myself in the car, listen to music and let go and cry as loudly as I need to to exhaust myself and get some relief. I got her a card that said 'it's your birthday, relax!' which I had to get as the second I saw it I could imagine her tittering and saying 'I can't get much more relaxed, I'm dead!' which would just be her humour down to a tee. She really was special, I want to do her proud even though she can't see it or know about it. Her headstone is up now, it's really nice, we had a section of her diary engraved on the back that she wrote for us to read after she died, so our names are actually on there which I think is nice, it's more personal, it kind of unites us permanently whatever happens now. Or until the deeds to the plot run out. Losing weight is going brilliantly, I've lost 13lbs in 15 days using www.myfitnesspal.com on my iphone. Only 9lbs to go. I had a shift yesterday at my voluntary job giving emotional support to sucidal/in crisis people, and fell hook, line and sinker for a sex caller, who to be fair was extremely convincing. After twenty minutes on the phone of keeping the conversation to feelings and giving the person the benefit of the doubt that it could really be an upsetting issue that happened to be sex related (we get those, of course, alongside the sex callers), to hear a total stranger orgasm down the phone at you is just the most gutting feeling, made me go cold and after I ended the call (with an insanely difficult to summon level of non-judgmentalness and calmness) I was so close to just having one of my shift partner's cigarettes, but it has been 2.5 months since my last and I didn't really wanna break the run yet, even though I know I will at some point. It happens to every female volunteer (and some male) at some point but getting shafted like that really does make you question your ability to be good at what you do. I'd always rather give someone the benefit of the doubt and risk it being a sex call than put the phone down on somebody truly distressed and I guess sometimes this happens but it still feels crappy, to unwittingly be part of some stranger's creepy fantasy and hear something so intimate so unexpectedly is pretty nasty. But part of the job, just gotta take it. Which I can, I mean it's nothing new under the sun and I really do feel sorry for people who have the motivation to actually sit and call a helpline on an evening to get their rocks off to somebody who doesn't even know about it. Then I shook it off and had a really nice meal out with bf and some of his friends for their birthday, I hadn't had chance to properly meet them much yet so far and was a tad apprehensive, meeting his family didn't bother me but friends are different, you actually care what your friends think of your partner. But it was a great night with amazing food (I ate a whole roasted garlic, it was divine) and a lot of hysterics and good conversation. I don't always have much in common or click very much with girls I meet, I get on fine with them but don't usually have any chemistry but his friends seem very much on my level, talk about things I'm interested in and are really easy going and friendly so it was lovely. One of them whose birthday it was works as a drug and alcohol worker and did the Masters that I've applied to do which is helpful. I got an unusual compliment too, apparently when a couple of them went to the too they were talking about how perfect my skin is. Nobody has ever said that before but it was really nice to hear as like most women I get skin envy when I see women with perfect skin. I had one bottle of Becks, woke up feeling sooo hungover I skipped swimming and now my bladder is seriously angry and dehydrated. Off to meet up with brother/nephew later on, I love my Sunday afternoons with them, it's still really novel and I can't yet shake the warm satisfied feeling of how thrilled my mum would be that us two are getting on and hanging out. Looking forward to my birthday in a couple of weeks, going to see Dream Theater and then off for a meal at this awesome Japanese sushi restauraunt I haven't been to before where you sit on the floor etc. Bf is going to London for a few days the day after my birthday to see a couple of gigs and stay with friends, it'll be really nice having the place to myself for a bit even though I'll miss him. It's so unbelievably lovely to have a relationship free from drama, not to have constant ups and downs and anxiety or being on totally different pages all the time. I think once you've had a seriously turbulent relationship, you appreciate a stable and solid one with all of your heart and don't take it for granted. It's everything I've ever wanted, and I know anything could happen and there are no guarantees but I'm grateful.