Well, today was pretty embarassing. I got the train to work, which was quite nice despite the £7 ticket, feeling like I was floating and generally hoping that it was all going to be okay. The first half of the day was really tough, having to sit and talk nonstop and be friendly and chatty to customers and just wanting to crawl back into bed, as I woke up about four times during the night and ended up getting up at like 5:45am. Then on my lunch I found an empty office upstairs, curled up in the corner, drew the curtains infront of me (I was in a bay window) and went for a sleep, but slept through my alarm to wake up and go back down to work. And then someone from downstairs found me, and they got really worried and said it was fine for me to spend as long as I wanted to upstairs and to go down if I felt ok but they wouldn't expect it. And then I thanked them, and went back to sleep (in retrospect it was pretty weird just crashing out on the floor at work in my uniform). But then the other manager Leanne came up and told me to go home, but they wouldn't let me go alone or get the train so my dad had to come pick me up or they were gonna send me home in a taxi. Which was really nice and caring of them but I did feel a bit of an idiot. Gonna go today and attempt driving, as it's only a half day, just fingers crossed it'll be okay. I don't really like the fuss and feel silly, but I feel sick all the time, my head is pounding unless I've killed it temporarily with ibuprofen and I generally feel a bit floaty. But I had sex last night and the night before. I could feel the pain, feel that it would hurt without all of the drugs, but it was like it was numbed enough for me to get past it. I'm looking forward to how much of an effect the drugs have on me in a few weeks on six times the dose/three times the dose (for the buprenorphine/duloxetine) and how numb they may make me because my god, I missed sex, and missed the closeness and the filth and the general couply bonding.

Got a date for surgery, April 13th. Cannot. Fucking. Wait!