Nabilone

This morning was good. I went to the pain clinic to speak to the pain consultant who is retiring at the end of the year. Lots of goodness came from the appointment. He is going to send a letter to the PCT board setting them right on a few issues about my condition and requesting, again, that I have the treatment. He gave me a new final drug to try called Nabilone. used primarily to treat nausea in chemotherapy patients but prescribed 'off license' for me and my condition. It's a synthetic canniboid or whatever, basically synthetic cannabis. Been sat here for the past few hours having forgotten the canniboid elements, being a bit confused and piecing it all together... my face feels numb, but I can feel my scalp, and I'm super thirsty, and feel... ohhh, I'm stoned. I wish I was at least a person indifferent to taking drugs because it sucks that I hate taking recreational stuff yet I'm being given all this mind bending stuff to take. I'm sat here stoned off my face knowing I'm talking nonsense to my bf and feeling embarassed about it but yet unable to control it. The hospital said I probably won't even wake up for work in the morning... so I guess that'll have to be another day off. It doesn't bum me off too much because I'm back in the scheme where if you're off for more than a day, it doesn't make it any worse, it's still classed as one period of sickness. I don't think work account for the fact that I have to try new drugs, and they are strong ones which make me all high and beyond exhausted and totally unable to drive etc. I think the total meltdown on Wednesday wasn't the worst thing that can happen, now. All work see is me looking well, blow dry and perfect makeup and perfect manicure etc. etc. so they understandably think 'how can anything be wrong with her?!' so in a way, it's good for my boss to see the extent to which I'm struggling and that I do break down and go crazy from time to time but do my best not to let it happen during work hours. Oh and the pain clinic finally prescribed me my own morphine with anti sickness meds alongside. It feels like a total victory because someone's finally believed me that the pain IS bad enough to warrant morphine, half the time when I have a bad infection I feel like I'm easily in as much pain as someone who breaks a limb... now I can tell people that yeah I have this pain condition, it's really bad I take moprhine. I honestly just like the idea of people taking me seriously with it and how bad it is, and today the doctor did just that. Really hope I don't get this stoned every day for any length of time... :\