Found a way

to get to sleep when the pain is going, like last night after I had a wee the pain wasn't excruciating but it was enough to stop me sleeping, like a real nasty little throb in my bladder whenever I breathed in, so I thought 'fuck it' and took a couple tramadol pills. I'm in the unlucky 20% that has a bad reaction to them when I take enough so that they work, end up vomiting a lot and being super sleepy for a day or two. But taking them before bed is okay, I just wake up exhausted like I have this morning and feel slightly out of it. I'd rather vomit and want to sleep permanently than put up with that pain, I can't get anywhere with the sacral nerve neuromodulation therapy application right now because the consultant in Birmingham hasn't done what he was supposed to do, I can't get through to him, and his secretary never calls back, isn't allowed to put me through to him, and said she'd ask him to call me but he hasn't. I feel like I'm faceplanting into a brick wall on a daily fucking basis with the lump of shit that is the NHS. Absolute bag of wank. Amuses me when people say 'only take this medication as the doctor says', if I did that I'd probably have jumped off a bridge in frustration and sadness over the whole debacle by now. I have to figure out what works and take what's necessary to get through whatever I'm supposed to be doing. Hence the cocktails of prescribed medication I occasionally concoct and consume.